If you read my prior entry – and why wouldn’t you have? – you’ll know that both myself and Dapper Dan had scheduled surgeries this week. I’m happy to say that both were successful and we’re both looking better than ever. OK, so maybe he’s looking better than ever, I’m still hanging out with a giant, white bandage on my nose and behind my right ear.
If you’re just joining us, I had a Basal Cell Carcinoma (aka cancer) removed from my nose. Dapper Dan had some patchwork done. Thanks to my mom and grandma for making this happen. The Dapper Dan part, though I’m sure you both played a part in the white, easily-burnt, freckly skin that I’ve been blessed with.
Oh, and I’m not sure if Lia was more nervous about my surgery or Dapper Dan’s. Though my vote is with Dapper Dan.
As an update to last Monday’s post I thought I should sit down with Dapper Dan, one more time, and talk to him about his surgery, my surgery and how we’ve been feeling since.
Dan: Wow, twice in one week! This record hasn’t been broken since you came crying to me about your broken heart back in ’95.
Kevin: Well, I thought it was only fitting since we both had our first surgeries to sit down and chat about our experience. How’d it go?
Dan: I feel great! New pants, new shirt and this wacky monkey stamp on my chest.
Kevin: I was going to ask you about that. Why the monkey patch?
Dan: I have no idea. Maybe it was the old lady’s trademark. She brands every doll by sewing a monkey in their chest. Wouldn’t it be weird if they sewed a monkey patch on your nose?
Kevin: I don’t think they did that. They took a chunk of skin from behind my right ear.
Dan: You don’t know that. You haven’t seen it yet.
Dan: When do you get that funky bandage off your nose anyway? It continues to shrink. It went from looking like a giant, freshly woven mothball to a discolored spider web.
Kevin: And it stinks.
Dan: I bet it does. And the way the tape is flinging off your face, you look like a cat with messed up whiskers. How’s that doing for customer service?
Kevin: Not very good. Had a dude attempt to hide behind one of my monitors today and I got not one but two odd-cringe like looks while going through the McDonald’s drive-thru.
Dan: Ouch! You know it’s bad when the pimply kid at the drive-thru is giving you “odd-cringe like looks”. How did your surgery go?
Kevin: It was fine. They dug out a hole and sent me to a waiting room as I waited for the “Cancer or No Cancer” results with a semi-decent bandage on my nose. The nurse walks in, gives me a thumbs up and escorts me back so they can repatch the blowhole coming out of my right nostril.
Dan: I’m sure Lis would love if you kept that eh?
Kevin: Probably. Extra breathing room. Less snoring. Lis actually offered to give up part of her nose, an inheritance from being a third-generation Italian.
Dan: They wouldn’t do it?
Kevin: Nope. They instead take a skin graft from behind my ear and attach it to my nose. It wasn’t too painful. The worst part was feeling the zaps as they cauterised the blood vessels in my nose. I made a few attempts at cheesy jokes in hopes that it would loosen my nerves but it didn’t work.
Dan: And you stayed home on Wednesday?
Kevin: Yah. The doctor told me to take it easy for a couple of days. I was told the same thing after my “No More Kids” procedure, took one day off and paid the price for not taking it easy. Yuck! I couldn’t get out of my chair at work.
Dan: Well the kiddos didn’t let you off too easy either.
Kevin: No, Lis watched the office and I spent Wednesday “relaxing” by running to and fro the bathroom helping Levi get potty-trained and to and fro the playroom hoping that he wasn’t eating his siblings Legos. Lia was really good though. That was a huge blessing!
Dan: Yah, well I have her under control now.
Kevin: The rest of the week I spent irritable because it’s a discomfort to sleep, especially when you like to roll over on your nose all night long. Plus I was out of work for two days, and when you run your own business, you’re not getting paid time off. Nope, you’re losing those days to inactivity. That only adds to the additional layer of stress.
Dan: I know. You’ve been expressing yourself a lot more these days. Reminds me of …
Kevin: Don’t start. That doesn’t help.
Dan: I’m happy to say that thanks to your wonderful daughter I feel rejuvenated. I have new clothes. I have a new buddy. I got my first bath since probably 1987. I feel great!
Kevin: That’s the opposite of how I’m feeling.
Dan: Yah, well … buck up little camper … you’ll overcome this feeling!
Kevin: Thanks Dapper Dan! You’re always the best!
Dan: Thank you Kevin! You’re not so bad yourself.