This morning I woke up bright and early to pick up Lis. She told me to be at the hospital by 8am so that she can get the heck outta there. I was there at 8:07am and she was packed and ready to go. Round 4 had ended.
Now comes the hard part, making sure she doesn’t get ill. It happens all the time and I believe the doctor said the percentage is close to 90, for her getting an infection or fever. We’ll just keep her trapped inside and hope she can make it through these next couple of weeks, let her immune system build back up. This is what we did last time but she had the two-day hiccup and was back in the hospital.
She says she’s feeling okay but her tummy is upset. It’s sad to see. She goes into the hospital feeling fine and comes out feeling like crap.
I was updating our medical bills this evening – I enter in all the things we get back from the insurance company to see how much we’ve paid and how much they’ve paid, luckily they’re winning – and was looking at how many times she’s been shot up or stayed in the hospital. Six stays in 4 ½ months and too many injections I can’t even count them (I can but don’t want to).
I can’t even imagine how I’d feel after all of that. I’m a wuss and a complainer and well, life would be worse if I was the sick one. Lis does complain, not a lot and mostly about having to go back into the hospital and away from Lukas. I guess I take her for granted and take the situation for granted cause of her attitude. I don’t realize what she has gone through and what she is going through until I see it in front of me in numbers and dates. Or maybe its just that I’ve gotten use to this way of life. I think it’s both ways.
People ask me how things are and I tell them okay, because to us it’s okay and a lot better than it was. This is our way of living now. She has cancer and she’s bald and that’s normal to me. It’s funny how your way of thinking can change, but it’s a good thing it does or else we’d be a depressed mess.
Life is actually very good for us. Sure, it’d be better if Lis didn’t have to go through this and we’d have a little more money, cushion money, not just pay your bills and have nothing left over money. Everything we do now is only if it’s free…free Mariner tickets, free fair tickets, free AquaSox tickets, you get the point. I’d like to have a little more extra cash to save for vacation or for doing something nice. But like everything else we’ve learned to deal with it (and thanks to the people who’ve donated the money we’ve been able to pay for our medical bills – not looking forward to when that’s empty). We’ve learned to budget, something Lis is always good at but has gotten much better at. You just make do.
Like I said, life is good. Other than wanting just a bit more money (who doesn’t?) and Lis feeling sick, my life is the best it’s ever been. I’m finally happy with everything. I love my wife and admire my wife. I love my son and thank God every day for him. He’s the best thing to happen to me and us, of course if it wasn’t for Lis then I wouldn’t have Lukas so I guess she’s the best thing that has happened to me and he’s the best thing for us. It doesn’t matter, I love them both!
Sometimes I think about the past and remember times I wish I would’ve changed. Then I think…hmmm…if I changed this one thing, if I had done something I wanted to or not wanted to do then I might not have ended up where I am now. Just one tiny thing could make that big of a difference. I think about the people I’ve treated unkindly or have treated me unkindly (the people that have played a part in my life, not some jackass who honks his horn and gives me the finger when I’m going the wrong way in a parking lot) and thank them. Thank you for dumping me when you did, thank you for not allowing me to kiss you goodnight, thank you for asking me to go to the ballgame, thank you for being my friend. All of these small things that people have done or not done in my life have made me the person I am today. I’m happy, in love, have a wonderful son and totally content with everything. Thank you!