Five Goals for 2008

 

I was 4-for-5 in my Five Goals for 2007 so I thought I would give it a try again in 2008. It was a lot harder coming up with goals for this year. We bought a house, I got my agent’s license, and we’ve been pretty good about going to church. What would I pick for this year? Well, here goes nothing…below are my five of my goals for 2008.

 

Having Another Rugrat

 

It’s been three years since our first one. I think I’m finally ready to have one more. Lis and I have discussed it for nearly a year now and we actually tried (aren’t we usually trying?) but after two attempts that didn’t turn out so good (two miscarriages) we decided to just play it safe and wait until her body was ready. Now that we think her body is ready we’re not so sure if we are ready. We’ve been dealing with Lukas and his 3-year-old temper tantrums. Unfortunately, Lis and especially me, deal with them in the wrong way. As he gets more and more upset, we get more and more upset. He has definitely tested our patience and we’ve definitely not passed the test. It takes a toll on us mentally and makes us think we’re not being good parents. So are we ready to have another go at it? That may be decided in the upcoming months.

 

Practicing the Two P’s

 

I haven’t started the new year off with a bang. I’ve felt more tense, more negative and have shown less patience for things. I don’t know if its work or life in general but things have gotten on my nerves quicker then in recent years.

 

I have been taken on more of a workload and have not gotten any type of reward for it. I’m the office manager, a position I didn’t necessarily ask for nor do I know if I want to have, and now I’m doing both commercial and personal lines insurance. I was told I’d be going on commission this year but then I was told that that might be on hold for a month. If I don’t go on commission then the chance of a pay increase greatly decreases, and in these times of higher gas and everything prices, a pay increase is a necessity to survive.

 

Lately it has seemed that the insurance job is starting to control my life. The owner wants us to stay late and work weekends and I have been doing that, coming in nearly every Saturday even though I’m not on commission (am I getting walked over again?) He wants us to be passing out cards every time we meet someone knew. He wants us to put signage on our personal vehicles, with us paying half the price for it. Basically he wants the office, and his name, with us at all times. He basically has said that we need to be eat, drink and sleeping insurance.

 

All of this thinking has taken on a toll on my part-time job. The last two games I’ve covered I just haven’t felt into the game and the writing. I have struggled to come up with a decent storyline and you can’t do that for too long on a deadline. So when deadline nears I throw together a story I don’t feel proud of when I look in the next morning newspaper. I don’t like feeling this way. I love my second job and enjoy the people I work with. But in the end I’m going to have to settle on one job.

 

I believe all of this thinking and emotions (feeling like I should be at work or doing something that resembles work even though I’m at home at 8pm at night) has played a toll on my home life as well. Sure Lukas is at that age of throwing temper tantrums but I haven’t done so well either losing my patience at a drop of a dime and blowing up at him. I mean really blowing up at him. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve questioned my fatherhood and if I can actually succeed at it. In the first three years I thought of myself as a good father, in the last two months I have only thought of myself as a dad doing a horrible job at raising a son.

 

Man, it feels good to be writing again! Sorry, I’m at work, needed a break from all of the negative talk (pointing fingers and what not) so decided to put my mind somewhere else and my fingers have just started going and I’m feeling a bit better. I love to write and express my emotions and now I’ve totally lost track of the entry I was trying to write.

 

Oh, back to the “Practicing the P’s” thing. I need to focus on being more positive. Though people at work may toss blame at me or point fingers my way, I can’t let it bother me (that’s tough to do, isn’t it?) I’m the office manager so people are going to take shots at me. That’s what happens when … darn Boss Lady on the phone can I ever shake her? She knows we all took shots at her when she was the Boss Lady. It’s just what we humans do. Take shots at the person “in charge”. Back to the whole positive thing, I’ve got to not let everyone’s negative talk take control of me. I don’t need to jump into the conversation when someone is being negative. Actually, earlier today two of my co-workers took shots at me for an incorrect fax number. They tell each other that “Kevin gave me the wrong fax number” then a couple minutes later they ask me a question. Like my Mom, I get “pouty” and give them the ol’ “I don’t know because I don’t know anything” answer. My other co-worker actually turned and said that he hasn’t enjoyed the talk in the office. That the insurance talk is okay but everything else has become negative. I immediately agreed with him and realized that I had become a part of that. I’m glad he brought it up because it made me realize, even though I knew it was something I was doing, that it was something going on and something that’s not healthy for the environment.

 

My other ‘P’ is Patience. Ever since I was a little kid I had problems with patience. Actually I did okay with it for awhile until I let everything swell inside of me and eventually blew up over something so small. From the Christmas season to now I’ve felt extremely tense and have had quite a few blow ups. So many that I think the number outweighs the entire amount of blow ups I had in the first 11 months of 2007. Work has been tough on me and its tested my patience, then when I get home and want to unwind my patience is again tested with Lukas and his not wanting to finish his plate, not wanting to brush his teeth and not wanting to go to bed. I lose the battle every time.

 

Lis has done a nice job in trying to correct this problem. She made a checklist of things Lukas does in the evening before he goes to bed. 1) Eat Dinner, 2) Take a Bath, 3) Brush Teeth, 4) Read a Book, 5) Get a Drink, 6) Go to Bed. He gets all excited when we get to check off the things on the list. He reads them out loud then yells “Check!” He’s gotten better at going to bed. He still gets up but usually doesn’t throw a fit when we ask him to get back in his room. He listens to his “Bob the Builder” stories, plays with his stuffed animals and eventually dozes off. Hats off to Lis and however she came up with this idea.

 

If anyone has any suggestions on becoming more patient (the count to 10 and the take a deep breath thing doesn’t work) then please let me know.

 

Take a Vacation

 

We skipped out on a vacation last year so one of my goals is to take a nice family vacation. Since we skipped out on vacation though, that means that our next trip is to Brazil to visit the in-laws. The problem? Prices for three tickets to Brazil cost over $3,000. That’s a lot of money for a two-week trip down south. This is the part that gets a little uncomfortable. Lis and I want to go visit her family every other year – at least. The last time we went was July 2006. We’re due for a trip. So since we’re going to Brazil then we can’t go anywhere else because that would cost more money and we need to save for our Brazil trip. The problem is that our Brazil trip looks less and less likely that it will happen in the upcoming year. I’ve thought about letting Lis and Lukas go alone so they could visit the in-laws. But can I survive without them for 3 to 4 weeks? Plus, I want to see Lukas and his nephews interact. That’s selfish though. If the two of them go it will cost close to $2,000. Then the three of us could take a week or two to go on vacation. But I want to go to Brazil also! Argh, so confusing. I would also like to take a trip (maybe 3 to 4 days) somewhere with just the three of us. We’ve taken one trip with just us and that was when we went to Disneyland in February ’06. Lastly, I need a break from work!

 

Settling on One Job

 

For the reasons I mentioned above, I’m ready to settle on just one job. Which job do I prefer? The writing job – of course! But there isn’t a full-time position open and the pay isn’t that great. So now I’m conflicted because I want to keep working there but I also think it’d be nice and good for my family if I went to working just one job. We’ll see how this one pans out in the next year. My guess is that I’ll still have the two jobs, hopefully by then I’ll enjoy both jobs too!

 

Lose Weight

 

Who doesn’t set this goal eh? I set it last year and didn’t do so well. My current weight is 220-pounds. I’d like to get down to 215 or 210. Not a big drop but it will take some work. Like not eating after 9pm, not snacking while at work, and not overeating. It will also take some exercising. Right now I’m playing in a men’s basketball league (we’re 1-1 but starting to gel) but that’s just once a week. Once the sun comes back I’m sure we’ll do a little more exercising. Again, we’ll see how this one pans out.

 

Those are five of my goals for 2008. I’m sure there are many others that I want to achieve or at least maintain. We’ve done a fine job of attending church and our small group and becoming involved in the church, I hope to continue doing that in ’08. I also hope to raise more money then we’ve made in the three prior years of doing the ACS Relay for Life. You can help by clicking here.

 

I apologize if I complained for a bit, if it makes you feel any better I feel better! It felt nice to get back to writing from my heart and I really needed it to make my day better. Here’s hoping I blog more in ’08 also!